


Still In Your Mind, Still In Your Heart

by kayura_sanada



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Games, Oddly Enough Can Still Be Considered, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Though I Wrote This Before The Movie Came Out, emotional torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 13:16:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15073958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayura_sanada/pseuds/kayura_sanada
Summary: Tony’s taken Stark Tower and its employees hostage, with one single command: Steve Rogers must come to the tower. Alone.





	Still In Your Mind, Still In Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Another hopeful ending without full forgiveness… sorry?

By the time Steve likely understood Tony’s situation, it had already become far too late.

Tony had been standing on the top of Stark Tower, still clad in his armor after taking over the building and naming it his “hostage.” Fifteen minutes before Tony’s countdown ran out – fifteen minutes before he would have killed Oliver, one of his human resources managers – Steve finally showed up. He arrived armored, with his shield up. Tony knew Steve realized something was off when the blond gasped. Only then did he take off his mask and grin.

His eyes were glassy.

“Hi, Steve,” Tony said, and waggled his fingers. The child beside the door – beside Steve – did the same. She giggled, a sound almost too young for her pre-teen face. “Surprised? I suppose you would be. After all, why _wouldn’t_ I try to take over the world?” He beamed.

Steve’s lips thinned. “Tony can be boneheaded sometimes,” he said, “and he might often think he’s the only one able to save the world. But he wouldn’t kill people like this.”

“Ah,” the girl said, grinning widely. She motioned Tony forward. “But he has. And he’s enjoyed it.” Tony stepped toward Steve until he stood just feet away. “Haven’t you, Mr. Tony?”

“Oh, yes,” he said. Steve flinched at the sound of his voice. For a moment, he was confused. Did Steve even care enough to get upset like that? About him? A feeling like brain freeze consumed him, then the world went white and foggy once more, and he didn’t care.

“You’re the child I’ve seen on the news. The one Tony fostered – supposedly fostered,” he said, correcting himself with a significant look. “Who are you?” Steve asked. The question, though Steve looked at Tony, was not directed at him.

“My name’s Casey,” the girl said, unnecessarily proud. She pulled up her cauliflower-colored hair and wrapped it in a messy ponytail. The decals on her shirt flashed “PEACHY.” “I made Tony my dad.”

“Why did you demand I come up here?” Steve asked. From the sound of his voice, his teeth were gritted.

“Why, to give you both the reunion you so wished for.” The girl giggled and gestured to Tony. “Did you know? He thinks about you a lot. He even has a room in this tower dedicated to you. His obsession must go back years.” Steve turned his gaze to Tony, but Tony did nothing but smile. “So why don’t we play a game?”

The girl bounced on the balls of her feet. She walked around Steve as if he wouldn’t touch her, wouldn’t harm her. He probably wouldn’t. She was only a kid. Still, that didn’t mean Steve was happy. He gnashed his teeth. “A game,” he repeated, his tone low and flat. The warning that came just before the punishment. The girl scowled at it and danced away. The decals on her shirt flashed and sparkled.

“Mr. Tony,” she said imperiously, and held out her hand. He took it with a grin. She looked to Steve, and there was no echo of Tony’s expression on her face. She looked like a child about to throw a temper tantrum.

Tony gasped suddenly, as if coming up for air. He shook visibly, even within the armor. But when he moved as if to bend down, suddenly he stood still, then straight. His lips twisted into a grimace. His eyes looked hollow. Casey grinned. “A game,” she said. Tony looked down at the hand gently gripping hers. It didn’t move, but Steve could imagine how the man felt about it. “How about truth or dare?” She glared at Steve. “You first, _captain_.”

Steve clenched his fists, only to look surprised that he was able to. He clearly tried to do more, but after a few moments, he gave up. His mouth opened, even as his lips curled back. “Dare.”

She giggled. Leaned on Tony’s arm. “I dare you to take off your armor.”

Steve grimaced again. He was already in a vulnerable position. It would be suicide to obey. Nonetheless, his hands rose to the sides of his cowl and peeled it back, yanking his hair into disarray. His armor held a thin bulletproof vest within, a design once tested and perfected by Tony himself. Stripping out of it meant stripping down to his bare chest, nothing but a tight muscle shirt beneath, and moving his shield from one hand to the other and back, though he was still allowed to hold it after. The top portion of his suit hung around his upper legs like a malformed skirt. Tony’s gaze momentarily dropped. Casey laughed outright.

Steve was able to stop before he shed his pants, as well, and Casey applauded. “Well done, Captain! Your turn, Mr. Tony!”

Tony stiffened. Shook. Steve watched the man’s lips tremble open. Steve wanted to wrench her away from him, to shove her off the top of the building. “Dare.”

That grin widened significantly, as if she hadn’t expected the word. As if she hadn’t forced Tony to say it. “Well! Okay! I dare you… hmm,” she said, putting a finger to her lips and pretending to think it over. She snapped her fingers. “I dare you to hold yourself hostage.”

For a moment, nothing happened, as the nonsensical words filtered in. Tony’s brows pulled low. Then, slowly, Tony raised his arm and pointed the palm of his free hand toward his own temple. The repulsor whirred to life. Steve wrenched himself forward. He barely managed a single step before he was caught in place once again. Casey stomped her foot like a child. “No!” she screeched. “You play!”

Steve snarled. His lips opened of their own accord, no matter how hard he fought them. “Dare.”

For a moment, she stared, then finally relaxed again. A sound of delight slipped through her lips. “Good! Don’t wanna lose to Mr. Tony, huh, captain?”

Steve glared at her. He gripped his shield tight.

“Well, I know the perfect thing!” she said, laughing madly. She actually bounced where she stood. Tony’s hand, still in hers, bounced with her. “You should save the world! Just like you came here to do. Hit Mr. Tony like you did before.”

Steve froze. Tony hissed. Hunched his shoulders, just a bit, as if trying to protect himself. “That’s not,” Steve said, “what I came here to do!” Still, he raised his shield. _Manipulate your surroundings, Rogers!_ He’d been dared to save the world. _Just like he’d come here to do_.

He threw his shield.

The girl screamed. She covered her face with her free hand, and suddenly Tony was stepping in front of her, pulling his hand free from hers to block it. The shield banged loudly against the metal, pinging into Tony’s gauntlet before ricocheting back. Tony’s interference caused the shield to bounce slightly off-balance. It careened off the back of the tower, passing only a couple of feet from where Steve stood in the process. With him unable to move freely, it might as well have been a mile away.

“How dare you!” she said. Tony stepped away once more, his other hand still, unceasingly pointed at his own head. “How dare you! How dare you! How dare you!”

Tony took a deep breath. “He wasn’t able to stop your game,” he said, his voice low. Calm. As if gentling a beast. Steve stared wide-eyed at him. “St – the captain – he just got mad. You know what that’s like, right? But that doesn’t mean he can do anything. He didn’t even throw it all that hard. He doesn’t like hurting children.”

She scowled, her face red. “I don’t care! He should be punished!”

“No,” Tony said quickly. “That’s not necessary. Besides, if you punish him, that means he can’t play the game anymore. Don’t you want us to play your game, sweetie?”

Protecting him. Steve couldn’t believe it. They hadn’t seen each other since they’d fought in Siberia, yet here Tony was, trying to turn her attention away from him. His heart beat tight in his chest. He hadn’t thought anything even close to it could be possible ever again.

Casey gripped Tony’s hand once more, digging tightly into the metal. She glared at Steve. Several moments passed, Tony sending short looks toward Steve’s shield, his gaze intent. Steve had seen that look before, usually when he found Stark in his lab. “It’s okay,” Casey said suddenly, breaking Steve’s concentration. She curled around Tony’s hand, careful to put his arm in between her and Steve. “He can be punished while playing the game.” She looked up at Tony. “Your turn.”

He looked down at her. With his repulsor still trained on his own head, his skin looked unnaturally pale. It reminded Steve of what Tony looked like after he and Bucky had been done with him. Pasty. “Truth,” he whispered, and Steve could see the way his shoulders slackened. Tony, at least, had been spared another dare.

Yet Casey, her fine hair already falling out of her shoddy ponytail, looked a bit too pleased. “Tell him why what he did in Siberia hurt.”

Tony stiffened. His gaze snapped to Steve. He opened his mouth, then stopped. He cleared his throat. “Because I love him.”

His voice was raw, as if the words scratched up his throat to his lips. Casey stared at Steve, her gaze almost vindictive. “Captain?” she asked, her voice saccharine sweet.

Steve looked at Tony. There was too much pain in his eyes suddenly for that confession to be fake. He thought back wildly through every conversation he’d had with Tony, every moment he’d spent around the man. He hadn’t caught on. He hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary. Yet suddenly, he realized that sometimes, Tony would stand a little too close. What he’d thought was an inability to sense personal boundaries might have been, well, something else entirely. And when Tony’s gaze would linger on him, watching what he’d thought to be a moment of weakness, or perhaps a glance to see if he’d started a fight – had it been a check, a look like a child might make, to see if his words or actions were accepted? How many tiny moments had been misconstrued between them? How many times had Steve acted defensively, shoved Tony away when the man hadn’t been reaching to hurt, but to be accepted?

“Truth,” he said, and felt something scratch in his throat, as well.

He’d been so afraid, all this time, that the unnatural, unacceptable piece of his heart might come out, might be stomped on by this son of an old friend, that he’d taken everything to be an attack. He’d _needed_ it to be an attack, because if it wasn’t, then it might become too obvious that he wanted to reach out, as well. And now? Now here they were, months past between them, an ocean of scars tainting anything they might have made – everything they’d failed to make, a broken team before they’d ever become one.

“Tell him why you hurt him, captain,” she said.

The itch in his throat got worse. He breathed in and wanted to cough. “Because I can’t stand him.”

Tony closed his eyes. The whir of the repulsor sent the pale blue light flashing over Tony’s brow and cheek.

“Doesn’t that sound familiar, Mr. Tony?” Casey asked, her grin nothing short of serpentine. She swung Tony’s arm back and forth. “How does that make you feel?”

Steve saw the instant she placed Tony back under her full control. His eyes went glassy, and every small line of tension in his face, in the body beneath the armor, untensed like cut strings. “Dare,” Tony said as answer.

His repulsor whirred even before she spoke. Steve’s heart pounded into his throat. “I dare you to show him how that makes you feel.”

“Tony, don’t,” Steve said. The words slipped out of his mouth before he even thought about them, but the loud, warning hum of the repulsor fell as soon as it rose. Tony stared at him. Casey glared at Steve. The itch in his throat turned into a stone. Steve winced at the sensation.

“We’re. Playing,” she said. “If you don’t do it, you’re _cheating_.”

Said the child who forced Steve to lie. But when he opened his mouth to say it, nothing came out. He looked back at Tony. The repulsor whined. Steve yanked every muscle, but couldn’t move. Tony’s empty gaze met his just before the repulsor flared with a roar. Tony fell to his knees, then his side. He didn’t move.

“There!” Casey clapped. “What a nice reunion! Aren’t you happy?”

Slowly, Steve turned his gaze on her. A young child, taking peoples’ lives as if it meant nothing. Taking over their minds like it was a game. “Why?” he asked, his voice dead. He’d abandoned his vigil over Bucky, had placed himself in open view of Ross and his armies, had dared venture into Tony’s domain. Stupidly, he’d hoped to talk Tony down, to perhaps breach the gap between them. Instead he’d been given this. What had been the point? Maybe it would have been better if he never would have come. Maybe Tony…

“Why?” She laughed. “You tried to hit me. You _cheated_. You broke the rules! That’s what happens.”

He shook his head. The freedom to do so made him test his limits once again. He curled his fingers. Clenched them. Curled up his toes. “No. Why did you force Tony to take you in, only to bring me here and kill him?”

She shrugged. “I wanted a rich daddy. But it was boring in his head. It’s boring in everyone’s head. It’s more fun to watch you all get mad and sad and hurt.”

He looked again at Tony. Something clawed up within him. “Why make him think I hated him?”

She laughed. “Because it would hurt him, and that would hurt you. I told you. It’s punishment. What’s the point if it doesn’t hurt?” She frowned. “You were supposed to come and make him stop caring. I just wanted to watch. Why did you have to be boring, too?”

She kicked Tony’s armor, then scowled and walked toward Steve. Despite being clearly older, she had the mentality of a child – a cruel one. She’d taken Tony’s autonomy just so she could have someone with money as her father. And when she’d gotten tired of him, she’d thrown him away. Like he was nothing.

“Where are your real parents?” he asked.

She put her hands on her hips. “Shut up! My parents are who I choose! Not that stupid old woman and not that good-for-nothing dad!”

Steve watched as the little girl walked up to him. She touched his armor, still loose around his waist. “Mr. Tony gave me lots of stuff. That old woman never did. She locked me in my room and told me I was a bad girl. She said I shouldn’t exist.” Casey looked up at him. Now that she was so close, he could see that her eyes were a bright, bright purple. “I liked getting things, but who wants to hear that stuff about love and family all the time? It was gross.”

“So you decided to, what? Force me to kill him?”

“I wouldn’t have had to if you’d been the mean person Mr. Tony remembered you to be,” she said. She pouted. “You were supposed to like hurting people who loved you. You were supposed to be like me.” She skipped away. “But you’re just as dumb as everybody else. Maybe your friend’ll be better? But I don’t wanna live running. I liked the warm bed and nice food, so he won’t do.” She twirled where she stood, her platinum hair slapping her cheek. She barely looked at him before looking around the tower. No one dared come near. Iron Man had shot down the news copters hours ago. “Maybe you could take me to someone, anyway. Even your stupid head is better than nothing.”

His eyes widened. She was going to use him to find someone else. Another host. Would he be forced to hurt others the way Tony had been? Would he be thrown aside like a broken toy once she was done with him? He looked at Tony. If he was taken, no one would even know what had happened. Everyone would think Tony had died because he was a villain. They would think he deserved it.

Tony didn’t deserve his legacy to be tainted. And Steve – Steve, for all his sins, didn’t deserve to be this girl’s toy.

His shield still sat against the back of the tower, but his armor was around his waist. He didn’t want to hurt a child – she was clearly troubled, and she came from a bad home. But with her powers and no back-up, he needed to at least get her unconscious, and quickly. A good, solid hit, a chop at her neck or a punch up her gut toward her chest–

A white-blue blast shot out and slammed into Casey. It knocked her to the ground.

Steve whipped his head around. Tony stood, slow and shaky in his armor, his hand still out and pointed at the girl. Steve sucked in a sharp breath. “You’re alive,” he breathed.

“Friday,” Tony said, “check vitals.”

“Heart rate seventy-six, breathing slightly irregular. Brain activity indicates unconsciousness. Neurochemicals indicate anomalous mental condition.”

Steve tilted his head at the tinny female voice. Friday. What had Tony’s AI thought about Casey? Had they even had a clue that something was going on? He hurried to his shield, the invisible bonds that had held him gone as if they’d never been. He maneuvered his armor back on only after retrieving his weapon, then pulled his cowl on and turned back to Tony. The man had pulled his faceplate back down. “I’ll take care of it from here. You should leave if you don’t want to get arrested – or executed.”

Steve looked at the girl. “What are you going to do with her?”

“We don’t have anything outside of the Raft for someone like her. I don’t like the idea of sending a child there, but I like the idea of letting her loose even less.” Tony walked to her. “I’ll have to make something up for her. Her accommodations won’t be as nice as they have been, but they’re better than the street, and we can get her some help.”

Steve doubted help was on the agenda the moment the world learned about her, no matter what Tony wanted. Still, the girl had controlled Tony, forced him to hold his employees hostage and shoot down reporters and even shoot himself in the head. He looked at Tony’s temple. “Did your armor protect you?”

“No.” He bent next to Casey and checked her over. From what Steve could see, there was a slight bruise on the right side of her forehead, but otherwise, she seemed all right. “You managed to throw your shield at her instead of me. You couldn’t completely break her rules, but you could bend them. Loopholes. She told me to take myself hostage, but she didn’t tell me to intend to kill myself. So I set the repulsor to its lowest setting. She may be able to read memories, possibly even emotions, but she apparently can’t read transient thoughts.”

Thank god, then, that Casey had taken over Tony’s mind when she’d given him his last order. Without knowing he’d switched the repulsor, she’d likely just forced him to shoot. Something hot and wide and expanding nearly burst inside him. He went to Tony’s side. It didn’t escape him, the sight of Tony stiffening the closer he came. He leaned down on his toes and knelt. “Tony.”

From what he could see, Tony wasn’t even aware of his presence. He picked Casey up and planted his feet for ascension. “Tony. _She made me lie_.”

Tony stopped. Looked at him. “What?”

“She made me lie. The reason why I fought you that day. Of course I care about you.”

Tony snorted. It sounded like a short in an electrical feed. “Okay, then.”

He pulled his cowl right back off. This was something too important for masks. “I wasn’t thinking straight. I’d been trying to keep Bucky alive for days by the time you arrived, and all I could think about was how, after all that, I wasn’t going to lose him. I was hasty and cruel and stupid.”

Tony humphed again. By the set of his shoulders, Steve knew he was about to leave.

“I should have told you,” he said, quickly. Desperately. “About your parents. About what was happening. I should have trusted that you would do what was right. I convinced myself I was doing the right thing, but I wasn’t. I just… I didn’t want to have to be the one to tell you. But I should have. The way you found out…”

“Yeah. Well.” Tony started up his repulsors. “C’est la vie.”

“I chose between two men that I care about, Tony,” he said. He stood. Casey hadn’t woken up yet, but he didn’t know how long that would last. Still. Still, if he let this moment go, he was afraid he wouldn’t get another chance. Tony had never used that cell phone. “And I was scared, but I went too far. I thought your sending the shield to Wakanda was an olive branch, like the phone. So why aren’t you willing to talk to me?”

Tony stared down at him. Steve wondered if he wasn’t glaring. “I was returning the vibranium, Steve.”

He flushed, horrified. Of course, if he’d been in Tony’s position, forgiveness would have been the furthest thing from his mind. It had taken him over an hour to realize that he’d left a comrade alone and injured in an unknown cave with nothing but a stolen avenjet to get him back. How injured had Tony been? How scared and hurt and alone, simply because he’d fallen to pain and anger? Steve _knew_ that feeling; he’d destroyed enough punching bags to know how it felt to feel trapped and pent up and lost. And he’d left Tony, of all people, to suffer that alone. After Tony had gone all that way to help him and Bucky.

Steve hadn’t let Tony hurt Bucky, but in doing so, he’d let Bucky and himself hurt Tony. Could anyone pretend there had been a villain in that battle? Could anyone pretend there had been a hero?

“Tony. I’m not demanding you forgive me. I’m not demanding you reciprocate. I just want you to know. I don’t hate you. I don’t want you hurting. And I don’t ever want you to think–”

“I get it,” Tony said softly. “You love Bucky. I’m happy for you.”

“I love you,” he said. “I love Bucky. He’s my brother. But I love you, too.”

Tony’s fingers clenched. Steve only caught it because he was desperately searching for some sign of reaction.

“I’m not asking for anything,” Steve said, “but that you know the reason I fought you. The real reason. That I was scared. That I chose Bucky, just like I’d been choosing Bucky, because I needed him. I needed… something.” Steve reached out as if to grab something, but clenched his fingers. “I’d just lost the only thing – and as much as I love you, sometimes you remind me of the time I lost, the fact that I’m looking at a new generation, a generation that came after me but is older. And I needed… I panicked. I panicked the moment I heard Bucky was being brought in. It’s not fair, not to you or to the others or – to anyone. But it wasn’t because I hated you. It could never be that.”

“I get it, Cap,” Tony said. He hunched a bit, then repositioned Casey in his arms so he could use one palm repulsor to keep his balance. “I knew that from the start. It’s why I went to help you. But you lied about my parents for yourself. You kept a secret after lecturing me on keeping secrets. You attacked my arc reactor when you know exactly what that means.”

It had been the only way to stop Tony. But he was right – unlike Bucky, who wouldn’t have known, Steve would have. He would have been well aware. “You’re right. I was full of myself. I thought I knew what was best for you, when I should have given you the choice. Attacking you – I should have found a better way. I should have – but I chose to fight you, to take you down, instead of just getting Bucky away from you or – or something. I have no excuse.”

Tony floated above him for a moment. “You’re right,” he said finally. “You don’t. But I wasn’t letting him go, either.”

Steve dared take a tiny step forward. Tony didn’t pull away. “I came here today to stop you, Tony. But I refused to fight you. I wanted to take a step forward. To apologize.”

Tony’s shoulders slumped. Casey’s hair dangled over the metallic glint of his armor. “Maybe we could talk about this in a few hours. Can you meet me in Central Park, near the back right, by the two hollow trees? Give me an hour.”

It could be a trap. Tony could lead Ross’ men right to him. He nodded. “I’ll be there, Tony.”

Tony nodded. Without a word, he took off.


End file.
